I’m in my mid 30’s, and I take nothing back in living a life dwelling on regrets, yet I’ve learned so many lessons from life experiences that I sometimes wish I could share to my younger self. I would give that fragile soul a big warm hug sharing with her that she’s going to be okay. She’ll grow in being resilient with each bump she experienced along the way. I would share with my younger self many of the lessons I’ve gathered from tears to joy that only life can give you through age, maturity, and growth in wisdom. I would comfort her in assurance in letting her know that she’ll slowly gain her wings in growing her own way.
Little Shy Girl
I would tell the little shy girl that still hides inside of me to know it’s perfectly find to be different. There was nothing wrong with her stepping out of the status quo in speaking up in front of her class on career day that she wanted to be a writer instead of desiring to be a famous rapper, singer, or athlete like many of her elementary classmates who thought that was the only way to break from their circumstances in living in the “hood” in the inner city. I will tell her that there’s nothing wrong with her brown skin, short kinky hair, her nose is fine just the way it is, and years later people will pay top dollar to have lips as full as hers. I will tell her to trust the village of family, teachers, and people who push her to step out her shell to write, recite poetry, dance, and to push her into the love of fine arts. I will tell that shy little girl to stop running from her gifts because no matter where she goes they will find her in being her true calling.
“Miss Thang” The Teen Years
There is so much I would love to share with the rebellious teen me. I call the young teen me ” Miss Thang” because she thought she knew it all, but didn’t know half the time what she was doing. I will tell her that I know puberty hit her double hard making her far more developed than everyone else, but just because she looks grown ” Miss Thang” far from it. I will tell her that although she feels burdened in carrying the load in being the only daughter at home with two brothers in helping her single mom out that later on those skills will add her in being a good mother to her own four kids. I will tell “Miss Thang” to stop deflecting her inner nerd in playing it safe as the goofy class clown to fit in with “cool” kids. I will tell her that her moodiness is just hormones that will later even itself out. I will tell her to reach out to her father, be grateful for his corny jokes, and ask to spend a little more time with him on that lunch date when was she’s fifteen instead of wanting to rush home because shortly afterwards his life will be gone.
College Girl You Did It!
I would tell “College Girl” that you did it! I would tell her this will be where she’ll fully cultivate her gifts. I will give her kudos in finally being able to walk unapologetically in sharing her gifts, to keep being humble despite the accolades giving because soon life will get hard, and to know although she switched her major from Education that she’ll discover her love for youth while on campus. I will tell her although she always felt like a she had to be grown since a child in taking care of home that she shouldn’t rush to be adulthood simply because she’s living on her own, be grateful while caring for her mom with cancer, and not to dare work two jobs while being a college student. I will tell to enjoy her youth instead of rushing to be in the real world before her time with balancing a young child, marriage, and demanding job choices. I will tell her to slow down, just be a college kid, and don’t feel the need to say ” I Do” simply because she’s afraid to disappoint her grandparents and family in falling of the perfect pedestal that she didn’t ask to be on. I would tell her to never allow anyone family or other to under play her attending college and receiving her B.A. degree in Mass Communications. I tell her that she has something to be proud of in being the first one in her family to receive her degree baby in tow, but to be prepared that her pretend paradise of the world she created would soon come crashing down.
Somewhere in the 20’s and at the top of 30’s
I will tell my younger self definitely in my 20’s and early 30’s to breathe. I will tell her that although the life she expected along with whom she expected it to be with ended in heartbreaking divorce to focus solely on healing herself along with taking care of her son. I will tell her not to rush into another relationship in rebounding quickly to numb the pain and abuse from one toxic situation simply to be lead to another failed marriage that will later end following a decade of silent tears. I will tell her to not wallow in defeat, shame, and resentment because she will have to be strong for her four children which includes now three daughters. I will tell her that taking ownership for her part in her pain will be biggest empowerment and comfort she needs to begin the process steps needs of healing, forgiveness, and recovery. I will tell that it’s in this season that she not only will harvest her gifts in making a career in taking care of her family, but it’s in this season she’ll learn how to cultivate a healthy tribe. I will tell her that she’ll discover hidden strengths and abilities she never knew she had within her to rise above her brokenness in manifesting a life of living purpose filled.