Superman was invincible to eveything but kryptonite, the alien super mineral could deprive superman of his power in exposing his weakness. My kryptonite was the need to be liked in being fully accepted. I’ve had more time to reflect in this chapter of my life to learn more about my strengths and weaknesses in healing through divorce. I saw how my kryptonite in wanting to be liked, accepted, and understood by others lead to having toxic traits that impacted my relationships, work efforts, and the way I saw myself. Self-discovery maybe lame to some in being a cliche, but anything that distorts the way you see yourself in making the lens of others more pronounced than your own is something serious to get to the root of in breaking away from.
The Kryptonite To Be Liked Mindset
The kryptonite to be liked results in the following detrimental behavior traits that impacts our relationships and the way we see ourselves.
- Low Self-esteem
- Lack of Confidence
- Perfectionism Complex
- Self Sabotage
- Need for Validation
- People Pleasing Traits
- Doormat Qualities
- Prone to Toxic & Unhealthy & Unstable Relationships
The list above are only a few characteristics of those of us who are on a journey of self-acceptance with breaking the ” Kryptonite to Be Liked” with plenty more to be added based on our individual personalities along with temperament. We live in a society that sets a rating scale with social media, has a fierce competitive job market, and the dating scene has slim pickings for the most eligible bachelorettes making some go to the most extreme in wanting to be liked with acceptance. I have encountered in my personal life people who were weakened just as superman from kryptonite in wanting to be liked to act very mean spirited through jealousy, envy, sabotage, and narcissism from the boardroom to mom groups in weeding out intimidating targets in their subgroups of social settings.
The root I feel in wanting so desperately to be liked can be as diverse as the colors in a pack of Skittles. I feel like the root to most adult issues that aren’t biological stems from experiences rooted from childhood. The wanting to be liked maybe rooted from a parent that was emotionally abusive, neglectful, and unavailable who couldn’t provide love. Maybe it was growing up in a dysfunctional family that encouraged rivalry, teasing, used harrassment as everyday communication, and achievements weren’t celebrated with support. It could come from our parental examples in seeing one dominant parent over a passive parent in witnessing that unhealthy power struggle in dynamics. The unhealed wound of school bullying from both students and teachers has a powerful impacted on us transitioning to adulthood in how we later see ourselves in acceptance. The root of wanting to be liked with full acceptance could also be from having the P.T.S.D. of social pressures outside of our home growing up regarding race, gender, orientation, and class that makes some of us feel we have to go the exta mile in measuring up.
Digging Up My Own Roots
My root were many of the things mentioned above with emphasis on my family upbringing . I was raised by a rating system of high achievement in knowing the responsibility in “making it” out the hood, the maternal passiveness of my grandmother for which I was closest to. My Grandmother was very sweet and giving. I saw how grandmother often was easily manipulated in her giving by other family members who knew that she would never speak up in saying ” No” at any request. I never heard my Grandfather call her by her actual name in speaking to her, she kind of just knew what he wanted in following through in submission. My mother who’s very loving can be very dominant, over bearing, and impressionable in her approach. All mothers give their children insight for protection, guidance, and share their thoughts. My mother’s dominance came at a big price for my personal life growing up in selecting and modifying my friendships, activities,interests, relationships, and style of dress. I also had and two aunts who I saw frequent who openly participated in a form of teasing anyone who walked through my grandparents’ home on hair length, complexion, body type, and etc. My father was a laid back in being very humorous, but he was in and out of my life passing away when I was only fifteen. I could win a beauty pageant from one of the activities my mom put me in and come back home in hearing from my aunts with the crown on my head ” You’re still ugly!” My friendships were never good enough, I dare not have chosen a boy I actually liked to bring them home resulting in dating / marrying the “safe” guys that I wasn’t really in to ( Heck, I learned some were not into me many having their own roots with similarities), my list of trophies were not a status symbol for me but more or less my family’s reputation through pressure, and I took the traits of my Grandmother adapting a better to go along to get along attitude in not wanting to ruffle feathers in the hopes of being loved by others .Whew! Thanks for the therapy session.
Finding Strength In Learning My Weakness
I’m thirty seven now, a two time divorcee with four kiddos, been in serious relationships since I was sixteen, and this is the first time in my life in over twenty years that I’ve had a moment to just really reflect on my life in thinking for myself alone in discovering my voice. I had to find the root of my Kryptonite in wanting be liked in fully acceptancing the beauty of who I am. My Kryptonite in wanting to be liked resulted in me being a people pleaser, being extra hard on myself, settling for less in relationships and friendships, and being an overachieving doormat in work settings that made me at times a target for my success among others fighting there own inner demons. My grandparents have since passed away, but I will treasure the positive examples they gave me in making me the person I am. My mom and I have had many heart to hearts about my childhood growing up in healing together in finding a healthy mother and daughter relationship with balance. She’s always been my rock, and I wouldn’t be who I am without her push. My aunts and I have a better relationship from me advocating for myself and my children with boundaries set for them in having compassion for the two of them in understanding their behavior have their own deep roots. I never doubt there love for me. I won’t lie I’m still getting over the feeling of failure of being a two times divorcee, but the lessons I’ve learned from those experiences despite the heartache I wouldn’t trade for the world in not repeating those same mistakes. I am more diligent in choosing and maintaining friendships that are a good fit for me in being positive. I don’t feel forced to entertain, cultivate, and attach myself to everyone in knowing the importance of developing a solid tribe. I’ve don’t find my identity through working myself to death to prove my worth of what I do in being who I am through merely production focus behaviors in taking a stand, delegating, and removing myself for hostile work environments that rely on that for employee efforts. I speak transparently as a writer through my blogs no longer with the hopes of being liked, having a lot of followers but in loving myself fiercely in walking in my own truth in sharing my passion.
Break the Kryptonite Of Being Like
- Love yourself! You are worthy of love. Start with yourself 1st.
- Create a positive mantra of self-love, care, and protection.
- Advocate for yourself.
- Set clear none negotiable boundaries.
- Teach others how to treat you.
- Don’t settle for less in anything or any relationship.
- Break the disease to please.
- Heal, forgive, and take accountability of the past.
- Find your people! They are out there. Choose & cultivate your tribe.
- Discover who without measuring it by what you produce.
Be blessed Beautiful people . Sending you virtually good vibes.