Superman was invincible to everything but kryptonite, the alien super mineral could deprive superman of his power in exposing his weakness. My kryptonite was the need to be liked in being fully accepted by everyone in making everyone happy. My divorce in ending an eleven year marriage opened me to transparently look into my life in fighting my kryptonite in needing be liked by everyone I encountered.  Self-discovery maybe lame to some in being a cliché. However, anything that distorts the way we see ourselves in making the lens of others more pronounced than our own is something seriously to get to the root of in breaking away from.

The Kryptonite To Be Liked Mindset

The kryptonite to be liked results in the following detrimental behavior traits that impacts our relationships and the way we see ourselves.

• Low Self-esteem
• Lack of Confidence
• Perfectionism Complex
• Self Sabotage
• Insecurity
• Need for Validation
• Anxiety
• Depression
• People Pleasing Traits
• Doormat Qualities
• Prone to Toxic & Unhealthy & Unstable Relationships

The list above are only a few characteristics of those of us who are on a journey of self-acceptance with breaking the ” Kryptonite to Be Liked” with plenty more to be added based on our individual personalities along with temperament. We live in a society that sets a rating scale with social media, has a fierce competitive job market, and the dating scene has slim pickings for the most eligible bachelorettes making some go to the most extreme in wanting to be liked with acceptance. I have encountered in my personal life people who were weakened just as superman from kryptonite in wanting to be liked to act very mean spirited through jealousy, envy, sabotage, and narcissism from the boardroom to mom groups in weeding out intimidating targets in their subgroups of social settings.

The Root

There is a deep root that lingers for those of us who struggle with self-acceptance. Most adult issues that aren’t biological from experiences are rooted from childhood. The wanting to be liked maybe rooted from a parent that was emotionally abusive, neglectful, unsupportive, and unavailable. Maybe it was growing up in a dysfunctional family that encouraged rivalry, teasing, used harassment as everyday communication, and achievements weren’t celebrated with support. It could come from our parental examples in seeing one dominant parent over passively submissive  parent in witnessing that unhealthy power struggle in dynamics. The unhealed wound of school bullying from both students and teachers has a powerful impacted on us  transitioning to adulthood in how we later see ourselves in acceptance. My root were many of the things mentioned above with emphasis on my family upbringing with an immense pressure of high expectations to be perfect, accommodating to family’s temperament, and to be femininely docile. The disease to please in putting everyone’s needs above my own to not ruffle feathers, not speaking up for myself,  entertaining toxic friendships beyond their expiration date, and wasting years of my life with an unhealthy relationships and marriages took a toll on me for the sake of a false sense of acceptance. I learned after getting to the root of my personal struggles of self-acceptance issues to heal in growing in love with the bonus of taking over control back over my life without the need of validation from others. 

Break the Kryptonite Of Being Like

1. Love yourself! You are worthy of love. Start with yourself 1st.
2. Create a positive mantra of self-love, care, and protection.
3. Advocate for yourself.
4. Set clear none negotiable boundaries.
5. Teach others how to treat you.
6. Don’t settle for less in anything or any relationship.
7. Break the disease to please.
8. Heal, forgive, and take accountability of the past.
9. Find your people! They are out there. Choose & cultivate your tribe.
10. Know you’re value without measuring it by what you produce.

I am at a great placed in my life filled with peace, self- love, and great friendships. I also take the time to apply self-care in tending to my own needs as I respectful do the same for others. I let go the need of perfection in honoring my strengths while acknowledging my growing areas.. I am not afraid to advocate myself in speaking up when needed without the fear of abandonment from others. I discovered the more I learned to love myself if others liked me it was an added bonus, and if I wasn’t someone’s cup of tea I was unbothered in sipping from my own cup.

Be blessed Beautiful people . Sending you virtually good vibes.